No More Waiting
by mr.crusty
Summary: When Inara goes missing, it's up to Mal to find out which of the crew is responsible!
1. Chapter 1

No More Waiting

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly.

Chapter 1

Investigations

Captain Malcom Reynolds sat in the shuttle, navigating it back onto _Serenity_. He noticed that Inara's shuttle was still there, and was actually surprised. _I know I told her not to see any clients, but she was so insistent…and she has been funny ever since that one time…_

"That one time" was referring to an incident where Inara, after getting angry about Mal when he wouldn't let her leave the ship right away, slipped on the ground and hit her head. Simon had called in a "minor concussion," and after about a day of rest Inara was up and about, but she had basically gone completely crazy. Mal thought it was a minor thing that would pass shortly. Seeing Inara's shuttle in dock suggested it might have.

Mal docked the shuttle and got off. Nobody greeted him when he entered until he went into the cargo hold, where Zoe was sitting. "Nice to have you back, sir," she said.

"Everything go all right while I was gone?" he asked.

"Well…not exactly, sir."

"What do you mean?"

"Inara's gone."

"_Gone_?"

Zoe nodded.

"Gone where?"

Zoe shrugged. "I think somebody might have shot her out the airlock in the middle of the night."

"You're joking, right?"

"No, really. We can't find a trace of her."

"You can't be serious."

"I am dead serious, sir. I don't know what happened to that crazy whore, and frankly, I couldn't care less."

"Wait a second…"

"You should have heard the names she called you, sir," Zoe said, her eyes filling with rage. "I wanted to kill her."

Mal raised his eyebrows. Zoe cleared her throat hastily. "Not that I would, sir…you know I would never do anything like that without your permission…"

"Of course," Mal said. "I…I think I'm going to…er…go to my room…"

Mal bolted out of the cargo hold. He went into the cockpit, where Wash was sitting, looking murderous. "Have you noticed anything funny about your wife?" Mal asked.

"No," Wash said angrily. "Why, have you?"

"Uh…"

"Just leave me alone!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with me!" Wash gestured all around him. "Don't you see?"

"See what?"

"Exactly! There's nothing there!"

"Nothing where?"

"My dinosaurs!"

Mal blinked. Sure enough, the dinosaurs were gone.

"What happened to them?" Mal asked.

"Inara," Wash growled.

"What did she do?"

"She chucked them out the airlock."

"Why the hell did she do that!"

"They weren't _presentable_ enough for Mr. _Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro_…"

"Who?"

"Inara's client! She brought him onto the ship!"

"She did _what_?"

"You heard me! She brought a client onto the ship, and she messed everything up for him!"

"And she chucked your dinosaurs out the airlock."

"Yes!"

"So you chucked her out the airlock."

"What! No, I'd never…I mean, I know she's gone missing, but…come on, Mal!"

"Oh no, I understand," Mal said, walking out of the cockpit. But his suspicions were growing. _Obviously Inara disobeyed orders. That would make Zoe really mad…plus she called me bad names! There's two reasons Zoe would kill her. And Wash's dinosaurs are pretty close to him…he may have killed her for revenge…or maybe it was a collaboration between the two! I'd better talk to somebody else about this…_

Mal walked over to the engine room, where he was sure Kaylee would be. He knew how much Kaylee liked Inara, so he figured she would be able to clear things up on what Inara really did, but when he walked in, Kaylee immediately ran up and started screaming at him in a tone of voice Mal had never heard before.

"Synchronizers!" she screeched. "_Every single one_! All ruined! The entire ship is a walking garbage can!"

Mal looked over her shoulder. The entire engine room was a mess. "What happened?"

"Space monkey if I ever saw one!" Kaylee said, still screaming. "Inara's client, the wanna-be mechanic, came in to do a little 'fixing' of our 'broken' engines! He tore the whole place apart! And what did _Inara_ do? She giggled! She thought it was _hilarious_! I swear, if we ever find that little piece of…"

"I'll be going now," Mal said. He turned around and walked away, hearing a crashing noise and an enraged scream coming from behind him. _All right, can't go to Kaylee. Who here on this ship has got some sense, anyhow?_

Mal headed over to the sickbay, but only River was in there. _Not what I was going for, but what the hell._

"Do you know what happened to Inara?" Mal asked.

River looked up, her eyes wide. "No more waiting."

"What?"

River looked down again.

"Okay," Mal said. "Do you know where Simon is?"

"In the fuel's shuttle."

"In what's shuttle?"

"The fuel of evil."

Mal sighed. "Do you mean Inara?"

River nodded.

"All right…"

Mal hurried over to Inara's shuttle, where he heard loud noises coming from inside. When he opened the door, he ducked as a box hit the wall above his head and came crashing to the ground. Simon was heaving in the back of the room.

"Uh…" Mal said.

"Doesn't matter anymore, does it!" Simon said in a crazy voice, picking up the box. "I've probably already broken everything inside…"

"Are you…"

"All right?" Simon interrupted, his left eye twitching. "What do you think!"

"I…"

"It was in here!" Simon said, shaking the box. "I didn't have any of it in the lab, but the drug was in this stupid Companion's first aid kit! I don't know what they could possibly need it for, but I remember seeing it when Inara let me borrow some of her stuff! Of course, she didn't let me borrow this!"

"What, exactly?"

"I know what's wrong with River! I know what drug can save her! And it's in this box!"

He hurled the box at the other side of the room. "It's locked!" he shouted. "Voiceprint opening! I couldn't steal it, and what did she say when I asked her if I could have it! That she might _need_ it! I told her she would never need it, and she stuck her tongue out at me and said some very rude things! I swear, I might have killed her if somebody else hadn't beaten me to it!"

"_Really_," Mal said.

"What, you think I did it?"

"No, I'm wondering why you're so sure she's been killed."

"I know you just got back, but you must have realized by now that everyone else on this ship has something against her, too!"

"Of course," Mal said. "Well, I'll talk to you later…"

Mal left, and heard another thud as he continued walking. _This is insane! Is there ANYONE on this ship who doesn't have a personal grudge against Inara!_

Mal walked up to Jayne's room. He knocked, but there was no answer. He heard a sob coming from inside. _What…_

Mal opened the door. Jayne was lying down on his bed, crying into his pillow.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Mal asked.

"She burned it!" Jayne said, sitting up.

"Inara burned something of yours," Mal said.

Jayne nodded vigorously. "She burned my hat!"

Mal's face softened. "The one your mother sent you?"

Jayne started crying again as he nodded.

"Did you kill her, Jayne?" Mal asked softly.

"Hell, I wish!" Jayne said. "Somebody else prob'ly done it…or she might just be hidin' someplace…hidin' an' laughin'…at me…"

"I'm sorry," Mal said insincerely. He left. _There's only one person I haven't talked to…_

Mal opened the door to the Shepherd's room. He was sitting there, reading his Bible. He started laughing, but it was a menacing laugh.

"Er…" Mal said.

"Special Hell," Book said, laughing evilly again.

"What's so funny?" Mal asked.

"Inara's gone to the special Hell," Book said. "She can rot there for all eternity…"

"What are you talking about?"

"She brought her little friend along onto the ship, and they told some stories. One was about how they went to a movie and _talked the entire time_!"

"Oh…talking in the theater…"

"One of the greatest of all sins!"

"And you wanted to send her to that special Hell a whole lot faster?"

"Thou shalt not kill," Book said.

"Uh-huh. Well…see you later, then."

Mal left the room. _He's a suspect…everyone's a suspect! And there's still the possibility that they all killed Inara together…_


	2. Chapter 2: The Truth

Chapter 2

The Truth

It was dinnertime on _Serenity_. Usually that meant fun stories. Tonight, however, everyone was silent—not out of respect for Inara, but out of fear that Mal might suspect them of killing her if they looked like they were enjoying themselves too much in her absence. Shepherd Book glanced around, then bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer. Everyone else followed his example except for Mal, who rolled his eyes and started eating.

There was a sudden clattering noise. Everyone opened their eyes and stared at the Shepherd's plate. On it, a ring set with a red ruby had just fallen. Shepherd Book, his head still bowed, stared at it.

"That's one of Inara's rings," Kaylee said.

Everyone stared at Shepherd Book. He, however, turned his eyes upward. There was a ventilation shaft right above them.

Mal was the first to get up. "Jayne, Zoe, come with me. Rest of you head over to anywhere that connects with the ventilation."

Everyone started scrambling. Mal, Zoe, and Jayne went over to a large shaft opening.

"I'm going in," Mal said. "You two go over to the other main entrance."

Mal went in and crawled through the shaft. He had only done this once before, when forced to hide from an intruder. It was very tight, but he was able to do it. When he reached the place above the kitchen, it was empty.

"Inara!" he shouted. "I know you're in here somewhere!"

There was no answer. Mal angrily continued along, planning on exiting through the other main entrance to the ventilation, where Zoe and Jayne would be waiting. As he continued crawling, however, he suddenly heard a scream. It sounded like Kaylee.

Mal couldn't tell where exactly he was, but he knew he was above one of the cabins.

Mal hurriedly continued crawling, coming out through the other entrance right next to the cockpit. Jayne, Zoe, and Wash were all there. "Did you find her?" Zoe asked.

"I think Kaylee might be in trouble," Mal said, running out.

Simon was standing in the hallway. "You seen Kaylee?" Mal asked him.

"She went off with Book…"

Mal ran for Book's room and opened the hatch, jumping in.

He screamed.

Book was standing in the center of the room. His hair tie was off, and his hair was clumped in a giant ball on top of his head, a ball so large it brushed the ceiling. It was swelling. Kaylee's arm was sticking out of it.

"What the hell!" Mal said, hardly believing his eyes.

"It needs to feed!" Book said. "You don't understand…it said it would hurt me if I didn't feed it soon…"

"Kill them!" a booming voice erupted from the hair.

Book, suddenly transformed, ran forward to attack Mal. Jayne and Zoe both had their guns out, but Mal cautioned them not to fire. Instead, he tackled Shepherd Book.

"NO!" the hair cried, as Mal beat Book senseless. Then he grabbed Kaylee's arm as it was being sucked in.

"Help me!" Mal shouted to Jayne and Zoe.

They all grabbed Kaylee's arm. Slowly, they pulled Kaylee out. Mal plunged his hand back into the hair and connected with something as Simon, finally arriving, examined Kaylee.

Mal winced as the hair tried to trap him, but, holding on to what he knew could only be Inara, he pulled. With the help of Zoe and Jayne, Inara was freed from the hair. By now, Wash and River had both entered the room.

"No more waiting," River said, shaking her head. "But it won't be there…not any more."

River produced some scissors from her pocket and proceeded to cutting Book's hair.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the hair screeched, but it died down as the Shepherd's hair was reduced to almost nothing.

Kaylee came to first. "Captain?" she said drowsily. "What…I just remember…hair…"

"You're safe now," Zoe said, putting her hand on Kaylee's shoulder. "The hair is gone. It's been destroyed."

Inara quickly became conscious. "Mally!" she said when she saw the Captain. "You're back…"

Everyone in the room started shouting at her at once. Mal made them all quiet down. "I assume you haven't regained any of your intelligence after that experience," Mal said.

"No! And there's nothing you can do about it!" Inara said, cackling with delight.

"Is that so?" Mal said. "Well…I think maybe there is."

"What are you going to do to me?" Inara asked challengingly.

"Oh, I think that's pretty clear," Mal said, looking at all the faces.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He paused and smiled. "Let's just say you're going the way of the dinosaurs."

Inara frowned, then glanced at Wash. Realization dawned on her.

Fifteen minutes later, the crew of _Serenity_, including a bald Shepherd Book, waved goodbye to Inara before Mal pushed the eject button on the airlock.

THE END


End file.
